The other day while I was out I saw a little boy (about 2-3) walking, talking, interacting with his mom. I found myself starring at the little boy and I felt sad. That's what B 'should be' doing at this age.
This happens from time to time and sometimes it's easy to get lost in the why me? Why did I have a special needs child?
Life is not perfect and sometimes we get a less than favorable hand and it's how we play it that matters. Being a victim is a choice and I choose not to be.
The grieving process has been just that for me, a process. Letting go of the child I had expected and fully excepting B for who he is, which is incredible. That doesn't mean I don't get sad now and then, like when I saw the little boy. I have learned that grieving is something I will do forever, it's not a one and done type deal, although that would be so much easier.
I could easily choose to feel sorry for myself or ask myself why me for the rest of my life. But I choose joy. I choose to be positive. I choose to embrace B and all things special needs. I choose to put him out there and not hide him away because he is different. I choose to accept him. I also choose to acknowledge when I'm sad or having a low day and use it to move through the grief. The bottom is hard but the top is amazing.
Some people may look at my life and also think poor her, her poor kid, their life must be so hard. And yes it's hard but I look at B and think....lucky me! He's taught me more than any other person or lesson I've learned. I am a better person since his birth, I'm so grateful for it all, the lowest low and the highest high.
This was beautifully said by Kelle at Enjoying the Small Things...
"You can not control the things that happen in your life, but you can certainly control the way you spend your life."
I choose to be happy and see the joy!